What is love? [(baby don't hurt me) Sorry, I couldn't resist]
But seriously. 1) What is it? 2) Does it exist? 3) If yes, then why?
All questions I ask myself regularly. Especially now with it crashing into me like a wave.
When I was lonely my answers would have been:
1) I have no fucking idea.
2) Not for me.
3) I said NOT FOR ME!
For months, I was getting to know myself. I still am and always will be but during this time in my life, it consumed me. I stopped being the person I was to find out about who I am. That makes no damn sense. I began writing more and more. I started this beautiful blog. I put my journey on this blog because I needed to know I wasn't alone. The responses I have received have not only been gratifying but also showed me that when you're honest, people really want to connect with you. This is a life lesson that I hope to keep for years to come. But I was still angry. I was angry because couldn't remember what love was. I had it at some point about 2 years ago but it burned down in flames. Since then I had a string of maybe's but I always knew they wouldn't work out. So I told myself I refuse to settle again. I would rather be lonely. I would rather die alone then be with someone who doesn't make my heart sing. I started to become a Liz Lemon, certain love would never happen again and rolling my eyes at it. I focused on work and my craft but still had a void. I was no longer looking for someone to fix me. I was doing that myself. I was looking for someone to hear me and see me. Remind me what love is. Remind me how to, please excuse the cheesiness, feel again.
Well ladies and gentlemen, I know what love is again. He came into my life suddenly and will leave just the same but he is here now. That's really all I can ask for.
Now I'm not saying that the presence of this man in my life changed my life and now everything is fine and dandy and I no longer have a care in the world. NO. That's not love. Love opens your eyes. Shows you different parts of the world. Teaches you things. He's not perfect and he hasn't made my life perfect. He reminded me that life is to be lived. He reminded me that I can be loved. I can be held and cherished without having to do anything but hold and cherish him. He reminded me not to take anyone or anything for granted. I have friends and family that also love me and I can't neglect them because they aren't a cute boy. I want cherish them too. I'm leaving them as well. He has reminded me of a lot things I don't think I would have learned by myself.
I could go on for hours about how great I think he is and how bad the timing is but I won't. I enjoy his company and I know the feeling is mutual. That's the only certainty I need. So I will go on with my life after him like I did before him. The only difference is the lessons I've learned learned from him will stay with me. I can never thank him enough for that.
So you want my answers now? Thank you for asking. Here they are:
1) What is love?
I'm still not certain but I'm doing everything possible to figure it out.
2) Does it exist?
Does Facebook still offer poking?
3) If yes, then why?
Because we're both very lucky, I guess.
Thanks for listening. Come back for more.
