Great Sexpectations

"Expectation is the root of all heartbreak." -Billy Shakes

Oh Bill. You were wiser than the many anal jokes you made in your plays. Now to the real reason I quoted this man:

Before August 16th, I was ridden with expectations. Before August 16th, I could be found on the train daydreaming about August 16th. Before August 16th, I was sure August 16th would be a day for the record books.
On August 16th, I slept on a mattress pad with the person I waited for all summer.
On August 18th, I cried because August 16th didn't go down exactly how I imagined it.

Expectations are a bitch. I always imagined that the night this boy came back, I'd walk up to his door, press the buzzer, hear his footsteps and see his handsome new beard smiling at me when the door opened. I imagined we would say "Hi" and then hug so hard our arms would fall off, we would kiss, I would feel his beard with my hands and be smiling the entire time. This would cease only to walk up the stairs into the apartment. Once in the apartment, I imagined an impassioned montage of clothes removal and stumbling over said clothing. We would then fall into bed and make love as if we'd both just been in prison for 20+ years.

As you can probably predict, that is not how it went down. Now, I was aware that some of this was very outlandish but the first part didn't seem too out there in my brain so that is what I hoped for once the day came around.  I was at work all day and didn't really even remember that I was going over there until I got to the last bar and began my final speech. 
After an hour bus ride, I had arrived at the most exciting part of August 16th. I walked up the front steps and had to tell myself to relax my breathing. I was just so freakin excited! I pressed the buzzer, I waited, took deeper breaths and heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. My heart began to flutter in a very story book way as the door opened. At first, I saw no one. It was the classic "Hide behind the door to freak them out" bit and I laughed. I was still expecting to see the face of the man I was here to be with. Instead, his roommate pops his face out from behind the door and smiles at me in a "GOTCHA!" sort of fashion. I almost cried. My expectations were shattered but I smiled as to not show his roommate my distress. I walk up the stairs making small talk and still saw no signs of him as I entered the apartment. I went to what I knew was his room and found him on a chair hanging up lights. I got a "Hey" which was returned with a "What's Up". He said, "Hold on, I'm going to get down and give you a hug." I responded with, "I have to go to the bathroom anyway!" I put my things down and retreated to the bathroom. I sat there, took deep breaths and told myself that it was okay. He's here. That's all you wanted. The rest of that stuff was just fluff. I returned, received a nice sweaty hug and from that moment on the evening was exactly what it was and I was happy. I had gotten rid of my expectations and began enjoying spending time with him and his roommates.

I only tell this story to point out a couple of things. It is okay to have expectations. Especially if those expectations keep you excited for an event. It only becomes not okay when you let them control you. If I would have pouted the rest of the night because I wasn't "properly greeted", that night would not have been what it became. Especially in romantic relationship, it's easy to dream up all these expectations. With the excess of romantic movies and tv shows we've grown up with, I know I personally have fallen victim to the "If this person really liked/cared/loved me, they would do it like this or do this for me like this." We have to get those thoughts out of our brain the minute we have them. They make us crazy. It makes you doubt in a really unhealthy. Be patient. If the person does care, they will show it in their own unique way. Hopefully your gut will tell you if they don't. Mine always does. I just have a really hard time listening to it sometimes.

With that, I bid you all a fond farewell for now. The school year starts soon and I'm certain it will give me plenty of things to bitch about and then learn from. If not, my $42,000 isn't really worth it. Also, yes that is the actual number I'm paying to live this life, ladies and gentleman. I know. I'm crying too.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.