Fight Me.

I just recently remembered why I started this blog. Even though it is a huge cliche, I wanted to track my early 20s. This time is messy and I wanted it all on tape. Well, online I guess. So I'm going back to my roots and starting this bad boy up again with the hope of bringing clarity to my life. Please enjoy.

Today, I'm moving and I won't start moving until 5pm when I get my Uhaul. I'm already packed (the side effect of previous restless feelings) and I don't have much money to go buy a bunch of new stuff. So I went to Emerald City and I started writing this. I'm reminding myself how much my fingers love to hit the keys; how at home I feel sipping my coffee every couple of seconds, munching my burrito every couple of minutes. My soul longs to express itself and this feels like a cold sip of water.

ALSO! Yesterday was my 3 year anniversary of living in Chicago! It overwhelms me how much I have experienced in this city. I tried to write some quirky status last night about how I've lived here for 1,095 days and I only cried 500 of those days.  That didn't feel like enough. This place changed my life. It has opened my eyes to how small I am. It has showed me how big I can feel when I'm on stage and doing well. It has held my hand as I realized I'm so flawed and there is so much work to do within myself but it has given me some of the people that have helped me become a better, more socially aware person. It has gotten me listening to RAP (and drunkenly posting on Facebook telling all my white christian friends to listen to it). It's constantly teaching me how to be kinder; there are so many people in this city who are hurting and need the same love and patience as I crave.

There are plenty of mistakes I've made while living here. My work ethic improved in Chicago but is nowhere as good as it needs to be to get me into the career I aspire to be a part of. I've met so many talented, empathetic, socially aware, funny people and even if I quit tomorrow and move back to Ohio, I thank the Universe that I got to spend time with some of the greatest minds of my generation at a time when we're all just trying to stay above water.

I'm eternally grateful for my friends. I'm eternally grateful for my life. I'm eternally grateful for Chicago.


Oh. Lou Malnati's has the best deep dish, Pizano's has the best thin crust. FIGHT ME.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.

Art School Drop Out

This morning, I had breakfast with my dear friend, Lily. We've known each other since 2nd grade and I'm very blessed to still have her in my life. She is currently in medical school and I'm an accidental college drop out. Today, we ate and talked about our lives. We talked about where we are and where we want to go. Our lives are so incredibly different but somehow we can always come together and find parallels in the lessons life is teaching us. I'm incredibly proud of her and I hope she's proud of me.

I know what you're thinking, "Wait, wait, wait! Sydney what do you mean 'accidental college drop out'? What the hell does that mean?"

Oh yeah. I didn't actually graduate college! Ha! I lied to everyone! Sorry.

Going into my Comedy Studies semester, I was already a super senior. I was careless with my schedule the year before and only took the minimum classes required for financial aid. My silly ass didn't do the math. By the end of my Comedy Studies semester (what I hoped would be my last semester), I was 7 credit hours short. 7 CREDIT HOURS! That's part-time! That's nowhere near done.

Now, I know what you're thinking again. "Okay. If you did Comedy Studies in Fall then just finish up the rest in the Spring!"

Funny story...

My financial aid ran out during Comedy Studies! I still owe money for that semester! So instead of paying that off and going back to school, I went to Europe. I saw the canals in Amsterdam, Notre Dame, Sagrada Familia and drank so much Cafe con Leche. It was a marvelous trip that I used to say I wouldn't trade for anything. Now I realize I might have traded it for a college degree. I put myself even more in debt to go on a trip to prove I could be adventurous. It was my favorite mistake.

Flash forward to me now. I've been trying to look for work and it's been incredibly difficult. I see the words "Bachelor's Degree" under requirements and I mentally kick myself. I'm lucky to have the tour but it doesn't have benefits and interferes with comedy. Feeling that I hit a dead end, I met with my advisor and we figured out a plan to get me graduated. Step two is getting funding to get me graduated. This will be a much more difficult step.

"Sydney. Why are you telling me this?"

When I was younger, I was very open book. I told people too much. For some reason, I have always felt like if someone asks, they deserve to know. As I get older this is becoming less and less true. Oversharing is not good for me or my relationships. I'm learning some information is for close friends and others just for me.
This would have been one of those pieces of information just for me and my closest friends. But instead of being vague with people when they asked me how life was going, I lied. I said I graduated to make myself sound accomplished and I was embarrassed to be 23 without a college degree. So instead of saying, I'm still working on my degree, I lied. I straight up lied. I lied to people on my tour, I lied to my friends, I even lied to my mom. I was so ashamed.

But I'm done lying. I'm not perfect. I have always learned my life lessons the hard way. From losing my virginity in a bathtub to losing a friend's trust by not being supportive. I fly high and fall hard. Hitting the ground isn't pleasant but it's necessary. With each fall, I get to learn how to fly again and better than the last time.  This is what makes me love my life. I'm proud of being college educated and now my next adventure is getting the slip of paper that proves it.

And hey! Maybe now, I can take that Solo Performance class everybody talks about. Lord knows I got some shit to say.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.