Music to My Ears

Recently, I've been realizing that one day everyone I love is going to die. Even people I don't love will die. Everyone will die. Even me.
But I think about one person particularly. My mom. So I'd like to write down one thing I realized I absolutely love about her today.

My mom taught in the elementary school I went to. She was a fourth grade teacher and was one of the best but of course as a kid I didn't see that. I just saw the stuff that annoyed me. The way she was always in the hallways, the way she was friends with my teachers, the way she knew what bad things I did almost before I did them. All of these things bugged the crap out of me but there was one thing I couldn't stand. I could hear her laughter all the way upstairs. I would cringe every time I heard it. I was embarrassed every time.

As I've gotten older, I stopped being embarrassed of it. I even started to mimic it. I can proudly say, I have a much more distinct laugh than she does now.

But today as my mom and I were watching How I Met Your Mother, I heard her laugh loud and proud like when I was a kid. In that moment I realized that is one of the things I will miss the most when she is gone many MANY years from now. Whether she's laughing at me or a TV show, my mom's laughter is one of the things that genuinely fills me with joy. I try to make her laugh as much as I can because it is like music to my ears. Tonight, it brought me to tears. I hid my face as she said goodnight and walk to her bedroom but I had to write it down. I had to tell the world that my mother's laughter brightens even my saddest days. Her laughter is her. Every thing she is and was comes out in that laugh. Years of struggle and heart ache. Years of happiness. Years of finding herself just like I am right now. When I was just an idea, she was laughing. When I was growing up and hating her laughter, she was laughing. When I'm grown and have my own kids to laugh with, she'll be laughing still. She is such a joyful person and I'm happy that nobody has ever taken that away from her.

So now as I move into my life 6 hours away from her, I will always remember her laugh. I'll hear it in the audiences I perform to. When I hear it I will remember that she is the reason I am alive and doing what I love. I can never thank her enough for that. But I'm certainly going to try.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.