Am I Enough?

For the past 2 months, every person I talked to told me they were proud of me.

"You're so brave."
"I could never do that."
"You're gonna be on SNL, I just know it."

I was happy to know that people thought such wonderful things but I had a hard time believing it was true. I won't know for a long time whether or not I made the right decision pursuing a life in comedy. One thing I do know, I didn't believe them.

I watch all these other comedians and actors doing some really incredible work. Original, hilarious work. When I see that, I wonder if I'll ever find what fulfills me as an "artist". Not to mention if I can make money from it. As an actor/comedian, I am my product. That's a terrifying realization. It leads to a lot of doubts about yourself. "Am I funny enough?" "Am I smart enough?" "Am I bold enough?"

But recently when asking myself those questions, I noticed one overwhelming question that encompasses every doubt. "Am I enough?"

Today I proudly say yes.

Though I have no idea what my life will look like in 5 years, I have faith it will be exactly where I'm meant to be.

2 years ago, I was starting school at Sinclair Community College with a chip on my shoulder. I wished I was going away to school like the rest of my friends from high school. They were having so much fun and I was stuck in Dayton.

Fast forward, to right now. I sit in my bed the night before my first class at Columbia College Chicago and know that those two years were the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn't be here today if I wasn't there first. I hit rock bottom in those two years and realized a lot of hard life lesson you can only learn from experience. Thanks to the last two years of my teenage years, I know that pain is inevitable which is why it is so important to always fight for the things you love. Whether that's a person or a career, you must give it your all. I'm still working on that but at least I'm working. I know I'm not anywhere near ready for Comedy Central or SNL but I have faith that if I keep trying, one day I will be doing exactly what I'm meant to be doing. Even if I'm not sure what that is right now.

So as I start classes tomorrow, I will remember that I'm not here to be the best, I'm here to learn and grow and become the person I'm supposed to be.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.