Dear Super Attractive Guy in Scrubs,
I hope you understand how hard I am fighting the urge to touch you on any part of your body. I could put my hand on the bar and pretend it was an accident and giggle when you look at me confused. You're so cute when you're confused. What's that? I'm cuter. OH STAHP. I just want to lay a hand on that baby soft skin. Those freckles make me want to praise Jesus for your creation. I will never know if you're gay but I'd really appreciate it if you weren't. Us women need you on our side.
I'm noticing now that you're wearing hair gel to get that "Just Rolled Out of Bed" look. Which leads me to ask, can I roll out of your bed sometime? This doesn't have to be a one time request. I can roll a couple of times or just stay perhaps. I imagine you make a mean blueberry pancake. But I'll only stay for the pancakes if you like to laugh. If you goat remixes aren't your thing then I'll roll once and tell you good day. Actually I would say great day. The kind of day where I don't have a walk of shame but I stride of victory. I scored your sexy ass. I will walk with my chin up with make up running down my face and heels in hand I will greet onlookers with a smile and a wink.
OH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JK YOUR GIRLFRIEND JUST CALLED JKJKJK HAHAHA!
Don't forget to grab milk. It better be organic. She gets gassy.
Sincerely,
Sydney Back
(aka the one that got away)
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