Pregnancy scares bring out every couples true colors. 36 hours ago, my colors were blazing.
Monday night, I went to Columbus. I was celebrating my oldest friend Lily's birthday with our friend Robin. We had a fantastic time eating gigantic sandwiches and laughing over old times. It was a splendid evening with good company. The whole time, though, I had another reason for going to the capitol of Ohio. One word: Charles. The C word met us at the Dube after all of our giggles started to get tired. He came in like he always does with shifty eyes and hands in his pockets. It's always nerve wracking when your boyfriend is meeting your friends. It's even more nerve wracking when your ex-boyfriend/current lover is meeting your conservative christian friends. As usual, it took time to warm up but within 10 minutes we were all laughing and joking. Soon, it was time for my friends to go back to reality in New Carlisle. I said goodbye to them and walked to Charles' apartment with my book bag full of clothes and toiletries.
Romance and nudity ensued for a couple of hours. We missed each other and it was very evident in our frustration about his roommate wanting to hang out. At roughly 2am, we were "going at it" and I hear a noise so terrifying, it sends shivers up your spine. The condom broke as he was blasting off. A panic ensues and I run to the bathroom to "wash it out" which my many health classes have taught me doesn't really work. But hey, this is a pregnancy were talking about. I've got too many things I'd like to do to my body, like eat sushi and smoke cigars when other people have "planned" babies. My hot, young life flashed before my eyes in a way it never had before. After I finished my pointless washing, I went back downstairs and hugged Charles with all the muscles in my arms and body. He reminded me of Plan B and we began to breathe again. But the breaths came with fears. We began realizing that we were playing with fire here. Not just by having sex with only one form of protection, but emotionally. We began to wonder why we were still pretending like this relationship was normal. Every time I came into town, we would play house for a couple of days and then went back to our lives alone. We started realizing that we weren't sure whether we were doing "this" because we actually care about each other or whether we were doing "this" because we were lonely and wanted to pretend that we have someone even if it's just for a little while.
After tears and threats of walking out, we decided that night would be our last for a long time. We decided we needed to do some soul searching away from each other. Though we were no longer together, we had been talking regularly since our break up, as you've heard in this blog. This "accident" made me realize that I love my life right now more than him. I need to know what life would be like without anyone to think about romantically. As I keep claiming, comedy is my one true love.
By the end of this conversation, I wasn't sad with this decision. I just wanted to spend another day with him before the end. I told him I was staying and we went to sleep.
The next day was amazing. We hung out with his friends, ate lots of food, and drank lots of alcoholic beverages. As we spent this day together, I started to feel happy with the decision. We both need this. How can I be sad about spending many months with someone who made me happy every moment we were in the same room? I can't so I'll move on. I already did once before. Except this time, it's for real.
So on the date in the title of this blog, we will meet again and see what whole year can do. I miss him dearly but I know, and 4 months in Chicago has proven, I will be okay.
Thanks for listening. Come back for more.
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