2 Decades Down By Sydney Back

21 is vastly approaching and I recently found my notebook I kept almost exactly a year ago when I was about to enter my early 20s. I would like to share some of the ideas I expressed with you lovely cyber humans. Especially you, Mason Maguire, I do this for you to mention it when I'm tipsy enough to speak of it but not tipsy enough to not be bashful about it. I have no other reasons. Sorry, Jordan Lee Cohen. ENJOY.

"4/14/14; I turn 20 in 7 days so here's my journal for this time in my life. 2 DECADES DOWN by Sydney Back."

"I got a bread bowl at Panera...How does one eat it once the soup is gone? Like a savage? Do I rip off pieces or do I cut it up with my spoon? Do I eat it like a chicken wing? Do I bring it up to my face?"

"I'm leaving. I'm sitting here on the campus that made me the person I am today and I am grateful. But I'm finally leaving. I've waited for years. No, not waited, worked. Though I could have worked harder, I still worked.
Sometimes I burst out into laughter when I remember that I did it.
This is only the beginning of my professional life. I'm young and hot headed and the world will teach me. It will. I feel like as long as I'm open to that, I will go far."

"Tomorrow, I will be 20. 2 decades full of laughter and pain. Mostly laughter.
What have I done with my life so far? Not much.
What am I going to do with my life? A lot.
I'm leaving Dayton. Staring my professional career.
You can't whore around in Chicago. Everyone is a future colleague. You can only have sex with someone if you love them. Seriously."

"Dad gave me $100 dollars today. Thanks, man. Really appreciate it."

"Why do I want to shove a sock down John's throat? It's crazy to me that one day I can think I'm in love with someone and then the next day, never want to hear their voice again. Is something wrong with me? Or is this how all women feel after relationships?"

"I assume everyone over 21 sees me as a child, if that's the case, there are a lot more pedophiles in this world than I thought."

"24 girlfriends in 21 years. He throws the word 'girlfriend' around like a frisbee. So when he asked me if I was his girlfriend, I felt a little dirty. Should I worry?"

"August 26th is going to be a really difficult day. I'm going to leave everything I know for a land I've been to a handful of times. Chicago, IL. Just the name gives me chills. I'm leaving my family to pursue a dream. No, not a dream. Dream implies naivety. I'm pursuing a life. The kind of life I've always imagined myself having. A life I'm willing to work for."

"My mother will always love me no matter what I do. I'm afraid I won't have the same patience for my children's mistakes."

"5/12/14; I'm working at Lilian's Bridal Shop on Far Hills Ave. It's crazy how much money women spend on wedding dresses. Just for alterations. It can be $100 or more! I'm really happy I know how to sew. I'll fix my own dress. I never buy anything for myself that is expensive so when my wedding day comes, I'm going to spend too much money on it. It will have lace and boning and when I take it off, or when he rips it off of me, it'll have a night on the floor. All of that time and money put into that dress won't matter anymore because I'm having marital sex. Maybe even unprotected. WHO KNOWS? His penis will be my oyster and he'll put it where ever he pleases*"
*no butt stuff

"I'm a novelty. I look quirky and fun...but wait. Once you know about my GPA and lack of a father figure, you'll be running, don't worry. 2.8 isn't wife material!"

"Just because a man says he loves me doesn't make it true. Just because he says he'll never leave, doesn't mean he won't. Just because I think he'll fix me doesn't mean he will.
Thanks to all these "men" I am dating someone else. The kind of person I know I'll spend the rest of my life with. Her name is Sydney Back. I'm starting to get to know her and I think she's pretty amazing.
Thank you, all the boys I've dated, for teaching me how to raise my standards and love someone who can boil water, take out the trash and wear a shirt in public places."

"What I'm bothered by...
-Charm bracelets. (End of list)"

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.