Columbia College Improv Club is a place where I grew as a person and as an improviser. From September through May, I spent many of the Fridays in between performing, learning and improving. I met and bonded with many of my, now, good friends there. I've loved Improv Club and it has loved me right back. But that love was earned. The first months I was in Improv Club, doubt clouded my abilities. I would often fight to keep tears back in the short elevator ride from the lobby to my apartment. It was hard to be bad and feel like I was never going to get better. I had friends there and they helped me get comfortable but it took many, many months.
At the end of Improv Club last year, I decided, well actually I was told by a few people, to run for E-Board. This would mean I would be one of the leaders and decision makers. I knew if I did become a part of this wonderful group of leaders, one of my main goals would be to help new members not feel the way I felt. I didn't really care what else happened as long as we created a welcoming environment. I couldn't forget the many days I spent in my room crying over my inadequacies. I didn't want others to feel this way. In the meetings leading up to this year, we talked extensively about creating the environment where people could play and be themselves and fuck up without feeling like death.
Up until 30 minutes ago, I believed the first two meetings were successful in this regard. It was a positive environment where most, if not, all were having a good time. I was feeling really good about club and was excited about the community that was being created. I have even run into many of the members at events out in the city! I drunkenly tried to cut them in line at Second City but that's a completely different story that fills me with guilt. ANYWAY, All of the board members and I were feeling really great and optimistic about this year.
30 minutes ago, I saw the president of Improv Club on the street and he asked to have a word with me. He began to tell me of how one of our former members, who is now an RA, was asking his residents who went to Improv Club how it went. They said they didn't think they would be returning. Confused because he had heard and seen that it was going well, he asked why. They told him that one of the leaders had said that their set was the worst set she had ever seen.
Surprise, surprise that was me. I said that, I will not deny that. Out of context, that is terrible and inexcusable. In the context, it was a joke that was established early in the meeting. One of my fellow board members had used a term in an example that I did not like and I joked that you can't do anything wrong except use that term. I believe it was "Sweet Tots." We laughed about this then later in the montage the members above were a part of, that same board member used the term, to which I thought everyone caught and was laughing at. After their set when the board members typically give feedback, I said the statement above, assuming everyone knew what I was talking about. Many people laughed and we moved on to real, positive critiques and observations.
Obviously this was a joke and with the given context, it would have been funny. But I'm going to apologize to those who do return tomorrow. Mostly because I remember a time when I heard a comment with similar context and spent the rest of the day over analyzing what I had done wrong. My goal was to try to create an environment where that happened less. I ended up being the one to create hostility and doubt. I'm so sorry for this. If anyone from club reads this, I want you to know that I am deeply sorry for contributing to the self-abuse that many of us already endure on a daily basis. That was not my intention. I just got carried away with my dear friend and forgot my duty. It will never happen, intentionally, again. But as Hannah Montana sang into my soul, "Everybody makes mistakes." Yes, Hannah, yes they do.
Thanks for listening. Come back for more.
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