Happy Friday the 13th and welcome to another episode of "Sydney's Seemingly Obvious Life Realizations!"
Something has happened ladies and gentlemen. Something shocking. Something unforeseen. Something that will knock your socks off.
....Sydney.....likes.....a......boy!
YEP! I'm crushing on a boy of the Aryan race with 6% body fat and a pension for teasing. I've "hung out" with this boy many times within the last 2 weeks and one of those times could be considered a date by societal standards. It's been really nice having someone to text on the daily and invite to random shows when I want. It's been really nice but I can feel myself starting to rush. I can feel myself wanting more from it than 2 weeks of "hanging out" should allot. I find myself spending my quiet moments dreaming of walks on the beach and choosing carpet samples together. This is normal for me. I always imagine a future with every person I've ever been interested in before I have any idea who they really are. This always gets me in trouble. I emotionally commit to them before they can even ask me on the second date.
This is a problem. A very big problem especially with this boy. He is in no rush. We've only kissed and hung out outside of each other's apartments. That seems pretty normal for anyone else but me. I feel myself being disappointed when he doesn't ask me to come up to his room. I assumed it means he doesn't like me/want me. When I realized this thought was making me miserable, I took a step back. What do I think is going to happen if I go to his apartment? Will we make out? Will we have sex? Will we fall in love? I have this idea that in relationships there is an end point. I can't exactly explain what that feels like but I'm always in a rush to get there. Maybe it's the idea that if I do this, I'll be happy. Actually, there is no 'maybe' involved. I definitely have the feeling that if this "works out," I'll be happy. As if happy is a destination. According to many aphorisms I've read on Pinterest at 2am, happiness is not a destination, it is a journey. I'm very happy with my life right now because I chose to be. I chose to see the blessings in my life rather than the curses. That is one of the main revelations I've shared on this blog. The choice to be happy.
Unfortunately, that lesson still needs some learning in my love life. For a long time, I used moving to Chicago as an excuse for an end to my relationships and I loved it. There was a clear ending. Good. But now I live here. There are no more excuses. I'm staying for a really long time and there is no hurry for anything. Especially relationships. Don't we all just really want a lasting relationship? Well, I'm finally in the place I told myself I could have one and my brain is still thinking I'm in Ohio. I think this is part of the reason I just had sex with so many people; I believed it was my end point. But, again, the problem with that is somewhere in my short adulthood, "I want to get to know him better" became "I'm going to have sex with him to get to know him better." Which would have been the case with this boy if it weren't for this young gentleman. I've invited him up to my room but he has declined. I couldn't be more thankful. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have had sex with him that first night then never spoken with him again. Within these two weeks, I've learned that he is not just an incredibly good looking actor, but he also writes, sketches, sings, and is an excellent story teller. There's no way I could have learned all that from sucking his dick. Though the idea of his body makes me salivate, I'm happier to be getting to know HIM. I'm happy to have a friend even if romance doesn't work out.
"What the heck is the moral, Sydney?" Well pushy internet readers, I've learned that rushing relationships and over committing causes problems so I'm trying really hard not to do that. I'm going to enjoy this little bit of bliss while it lasts. End of story.
P.S. Did I mention he likes Taylor Swift?
Thanks for listening. Come back for more.
(As of March st, this boy became an afterthought to someone better, so don't worry about it.)
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