One month from today, I will be 21. The very first thing I'm going to do is walk into a bar and scream "BARKEEP!" immediately apologize and kindly ask them for the best craft beer in the establishment. It's always been my dream and I won't relent.
Upon realizing how quickly I'm growing up, I thought back to what life was like on my other major birthday. The big ole one eight.
I think of all the things I thought to be true and how many things I "KNEW" to be true. I then think of the amount of lessons I've learned since. When I went out into the "real world" at 18, I had no idea how painful it would be. Or how beautiful. I fell hard many times over the course of the last 3 years. From losing my virginity to someone I barely knew to the death of a friend that I abandoned months before, my face has hit the pavement many times. One time, it literally hit the pavement, and YES I MEAN LITERALLY! I can show you the pictures. It was sick. ANYWHO, here are my thoughts about my early adulthood so far.
I've had 6 jobs in 3 years. Some at the same time, some for a very short while. One job I got fired from for being a douche bag and not doing my work and the another I got fired for being too slow of a stitcher. I've worked at Target for almost the entire time I've been out of high school and I still hate every other second of it. The only jobs I loved and felt like I accomplished something at the end of the day were my sewing jobs. I worked at Sinclair Community College's Costume Shop for 2 years and I fell in love with costumes and sewing there. I also gained a mentor and friend, Kathleen Hotmer. Not only did this woman teach me how to sew, she taught me how to be a good person. She helped teach me that my actions have consequences and that my existence on this earth matters. If I had to choose one thing I'm most grateful for from my time at Sinclair, it's her presence in my life.
I've performed in 5 shows. Each one taught me something about life and theater that I never anticipated. In high school, I did the musical to stand out and be seen. Since that time, I've learned that I do it to make a difference. If I can bring light to a topic untouched in most every day conversation, I can help the world in some way. I know when it's my time to "shine" and when it's time to let someone else change the world. I've learned that I'm enough. For a long time, acting felt like this thing I did and I did well but still never felt like I could see myself on an off-broadway stage or on TV. Now I feel differently. I'm very confident in my abilities as an actor. My ability to not shy from the truth makes me interesting to watch and my personality off stage makes me easy to work with. Those are my keys to success. That is if success was a car, which it is not. It's more like a bike. A bike with a trailer of bricks attached to the back. Weird metaphor but it makes sense to me.
I've performed in a large, unknown amount of improv shows. Each one different. Each one exciting. Each one teaching me lessons with every passing second. I'm getting so much better at improv every day and it thrills me. Today, I auditioned for a troupe at the Playground Theater and I couldn't believe how well I did because I just had fun and listened. It's so simple but such a hard task. Even if I don't get in that troupe, it was such a wonderful way to spend my Saturday morning. All in all, I'm very proud of how far I've come in all aspects of my career and can't wait to see what else I have to learn.
I had 3 boyfriends in that span of time, all lasting 3 months almost exactly. Each teaching a new lesson with every goodbye. Jimmy taught me you can't force yourself to feel a certain way. John taught me that I should have much higher standards. Charles taught me that love takes time and doesn't appear when you say it. Also that screaming in the middle of a corn field in Indiana can help most problems. With every relationship and heartbreak, I've come to the conclusion that I've been wrong about relationships my entire life. This is great to realize but terrible to try to change. For a long time, I idolized men without knowing them and mistook that for love then proceeded to get upset/bored when I did get to know them and realized it wasn't love. I realized that I need to treat relationships more like friendships. I'm done looking for disposable relationships. Longevity is now my middle name. So as I date the kind of funny, cute, all black Converse wearing boys I've always imagined I would find in Chicago, I will pace myself. I've got 70 more years. No need for rushing anything especially romance. I'm content being by myself. I'm content enough not to settle for someone out of loneliness or fear. The next person I date will really be something special. I just know it. You wanna know how I know? I won't date them if they aren't.
My family has grown from 2 brothers and a mom, to 2 brothers, 2 sisters-in-law, 2 nieces and 1 mom. 5 years ago, my family barely spoke. I felt like an only child for many years because there was so much tension. When my first niece was born, we all realized how that couldn't be the case anymore. Since that beautiful baby girl was born, I'm happy to say I have a family. I know I can call them whenever I need them and vice versa. Especially with the addition of alcohol to my life, I've gotten much closer to my brothers and realized I'm not just the weird little sister they don't want around. They are starting to see me as an adult. An equal. They are very proud of me. I'm also very proud of them and can't believe how well we all turned out. Kevin is a daddy to two lovely little girls and Tyler is a husband to one of the coolest people I've had the pleasure of knowing. They have grown up to be such awesome individuals and I'm proud to call them my brothers.
My mom is a different story. She's not just a mom. She's had to be a dad and a teacher too. Luckily, I can also call her a friend. I love my mom and I'm so happy for our crazy (almost too crazy) close (almost too close) relationship. My mom is my best friend and I would never be where I am without her unconditional love and support. She's the reason I fell in love with the Second City and she's the one who always told me and I quote, "Don't you go falling in love with some boy and staying in Ohio forever." This was one of the best pieces of advice she's ever given me. My other favorite Shyrleen quote is, "Sydney, if you can't be a better actor than the people on Lifetime, give up now." I love my mom more than bacon and that's saying a lot.
IN CONCLUSION, I'M HAPPY AND NOT MUCH CAN BRING ME DOWN BECAUSE I'VE CHOSEN TO BE THIS WAY. Life may change but I will welcome the changes with wide arms and a box of chocolates because it's all about the ride. Insert other cliche optimistic quote here.
Thanks for listening. Come back for more.
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