Chicago Changed Me.

On August 26th 2014 (when I moved to Chicago), May 16th 2015 and a woman president felt equally as far away. On this day, Hilary is running and I'm sitting in an apartment I call mine, feeling that Chicago breeze on my bare freckled arms. On this day, I have finished my first year of school here with a 3.5 GPA and my first set of comedy classes under my belt. On this day, even when the loud ass train awoke me from my deep slumber, I awoke with a (slightly dumb) smile on my face.

Ladies and homosexual males, I fucking did it. Though I can never forget about the tremendous amount of debt this put me in, I fucking live in Chicago and made a happy life for myself here. With the safety net of on-campus housing, a meal plan and the support of my beautiful wonderful mama, I was able to completely focus on my art (yeah, I hate me too for calling it that), making lasting  friends (see: I'm normal again), and bettering myself (nope, I'm gross).

Chicago changed me.

Existing in this city made me realize one very important thing; I don't want to JUST exist.
When I began feeling overwhelmed with the volume of human lives around me at any given moment, I started to realize that so many of those people are just alive to pay bills until they die. They aren't creating anything or leaving any positive impact on the world they are lucky enough to be a part of. This is my biggest fear. The meaning of life is unknowable. People have searched for it for centuries and came up empty handed. I know that. Some people think because of that life is pointless. Why should I try when I'm just going to die anyway? I thought for a very long time. Well, I see it the opposite way now. If I'm only going to be on this earth for 80 years, I better make them count. I want to leave something good on this doomed planet. Though I'm not exactly sure what that is yet, I still seek it. Whether it's a large filmography that is guaranteed to make generations laugh and cry, or a couple of human beings who believe the same thing and actually do something about it, I will be happy with the way my life turns out as long as it helps. I know I've done so much damage to the world as it is by not sorting my recycling properly. Hopefully, it will even out.

Another HUGE lesson I've learned here in this beautiful city, is that everything in life is a choice. Whenever I feel like complaining about how much homework I have or how much I don't want to go to a rehearsal, I stop and remind myself that I chose this. If I really think these things are ridiculous and pointless, I should drop out and go be a cashier in Ohio until I die. I could have done that instead. But I didn't. I applied to Columbia to work hard and get better. Most of the time, to get better you have to do a lot of crap you don't want to do. Not every assignment is going to be easy or fun, even in comedy school, most aren't, but there is something to be learned after the hard work is done. This applies to life in general as well. It will not always be easy, most of the time it won't. But I'm choosing to be on this earth. I could've made another choice many times but I didn't so I need to take the highs and the lows and know that each shall pass in their own time. My job is to decide who to deal with both. Today, I decide I'll be happy either way.

I know my mom is going to roll her eyes at this next section. "Sydney, I think you should leave your relationships with men out of your blog." Sorry mom, it ain't gonna happen. I did actually learn a very simple but impossible lesson about relationships, both platonic and romantic. Are you ready? If it doesn't make your life easier or more fun, you don't need it. Life is hard enough without negative ass people around you. I've been incredibly busy this entire semester. I've been so busy that when I finally got time to relax it felt foreign. I began to finally value time with people who I can truly relax with. My best friends are the ones I don't have to put on an act for, the ones I can be quiet and boring with. Don't get me wrong, I'll bit all over these friends when the time is right but there is also a time for watching movies and eating a block of cheese with someone who has watched you vomit while you were dressed as a formal apology (hilarious costume right?). There is no better way to spend a Thursday night. Bonding I mean; bonding is the best way to spend a Thursday night! Vomiting is not recommended.
On the romantic side, I've realized that if I feel like I'm wasting time with a boy, I am wasting my time. If I don't feel refreshed or, dare I say, happy upon leaving our encounter, I should probably stop encountering him.  The boy I'm with (or whatever) right now feels like an old friend. We do bits, smash bits, and talk more than a little bit. I'd be comfortable doing just about anything with him. That is the kind of person I want to be with. Basically a friend who likes to touch my butt. It's really that simple and no one should settle for anything else. Because it's seriously wonderful.

All in all, my first year at Columbia was exactly as wonderful, life-changing, and tear ridden as I thought it would be. I'm a better person today than I was August 26th and that's really all I can ask for. Now I get to experience a summer in the city. I've been told the summers make the winters absolutely worth it. I hope so because this 21 year old body is READY for crop top season. My body is not ready, on the other hand, for the amount of pale ales I'm going to digest within the coming months. But hey, my body will only tolerate crop tops AND heavy drinking for so long so WHY NOT?!?!

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.