The Long Way Around by The Dixie Chicks

Good afternoon folks. It's your old pal, Sydney! Today, I woke up at noon, walked to Walgreens to get creamer in sweatpants, called my best friend, found out my bank account was disgustingly overdrawn while I was asleep, and swept all the floors in my new apartment. 

I often have mornings like this. Starting my day with solitude is common for me and preferred. I enjoy waking up next to someone but need these days alone to center myself. The kind of days where I change from the pjs I wore to bed into a new "daytime" set of pjs. The kind of days where I sit on my porch and stare into the back alley, thanking the universe and Chicago for everything. The kind of days when I get time to talk to myself out loud instead of in my head. Things get confusing and clogged up there. It's nice to speak to myself like I would a friend. These days are few and far between but lovely and welcome.

I'm 23 years old and I wonder often if this is going to be my life forever. Will I always have an opposite schedule of the people I live with? Will I always live with someone? Will I ever stop accidentally overdrawing my fucking account?! These questions are common in my head. At this age, I feel like I'm just starting to DECIDE what kind of woman I want to be. Up until now, it felt like joy, pain, depression, it felt like it all happened to me. All of these things informed my personality, emotions got to decide the kind of woman I am on any given day. A few months ago, I finally felt like I have control over my reactions and emotions. My major insecurities don't feel insurmountable anymore. They are just moments I have to walk away and talk myself off the ledge. I have some sense of control. I feel like this is something everyone around me learned years ago. I've always learned the hard way. My new favorite song is The Long Way Around by the Dixie Chicks. The last chorus goes like this:

"Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else

Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down

If you ever want to find me, I can still be found

Taking the long way

Taking the long way around"

This isn't only relevant to my emotional state but also my education and financial situation. I'm also aware The Dixie Chicks are talking about being successful while being different and I'm talking about fucking up over and over again. BUT LYRICS ARE ALWAYS UP FOR INTERPRETATION!!!

With all that solitude and fucking up, there also comes self actualization and independence. I feel more and more myself every day. I feel like I no longer do things out of fear of rejections...most of the time. I'm saying no when necessary. I'm letting people know when I'm uncomfortable. Or as the Dixie Chicks put it: 

"Well, I fought with a stranger, and I met myself

I opened my mouth and I heard myself

It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself

Guess, I could have made it easier on myself

But, I, I could never follow"

I think after I heard this song, the only question I should be asking myself is, "When you open your mouth, do you hear yourself?" 

Today, I say yes. 

But mainly because I'm talking to myself and my new place has an echo. 

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.