A Love Letter To My Ever Growing Belly

My dearest belly,

With every shower, with every outfit change, with every tagged picture on Instagram, I see you growing. I watch you grow and wonder if you'll ever stop. I wonder if this is the female body I dreamed for when I was 101 pounds. When I wanted to grow up so fast and wanted my body to follow suit.

I wonder what it will be like the next time I allow a man to see you in your full glory. For a second I wonder what he'll think but then I remember it is a privilege for him to see you at all. One he shouldn't take for granted by having any sort of opinions. I remember if he does express negative opinions about you, I will be showing him the door. 

I think about you getting larger as my life goes on. I feel so many emotions through you. My anxiety feels like it's eating you. Lust feels like I've let critters lose in you. Mourning feels like I'm rid of you. You are the first sign that I am feeling these things. I thank you for being honest with me when I was unable to be honest to myself. I pray you continue to show me how I really feel. 

I think of how you are meant to house my children someday. I think of how much larger you could become while growing my carbon copy. I'm sorry if you wanted to do that, I will not be producing a carbon copy. You will be empty of children for all of your days, if I have any say in the matter. I'm sorry because I know you yearn to have them. 

But I will still use you to hold the children I raise. Children from another woman's belly. I will rest them on my hips, their legs will brush up against you and I hope you will still feel the excitement my heart will feel. The commitment to their wellbeing in my brain will hopefully give you a sense of purpose.

As I grow older, I hope to write more letters to you like this. Thanking you for being a part of me. Thanking you for nourishing me daily. Promising to never hate you, abuse you, or go on horrible diets to shrink you. I ask that in return you remain good to me. If you can help it. Digest my food, weather through my periods. I ask that you keep doing these two things. 

With that request, I bid you farewell. JK you're right here no matter what. You will certainly be here on this turkey day, where I will full you to your brim, and then some. Thank you. I love you. Keep growing the way you feel fit. 

Sincerely,

Sydney

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