Think about your high school best friend. It's probably been a while since you've seen them, right? Are you still close? Do you still talk a lot? Do you still call them when you need someone? Well, if you're like me, the answer is no. To be honest, I had a couple of "best friends" in high school. Friend's B and A. B was my best friend. Truly. We were like sisters. We talked like sisters, we laughed like sisters, we fought like sisters. I mean I fought with her. I was pretty mean to her sometimes. It was really only because I cared about her so much, I wanted the best for her. That aggressive fight led to our demise I think. She was never angry with me. She always respected the fact that my life was my own. She may have disagreed but she respected that. I, unfortunately, did not. I basically told her she was wrong for being with every one of her boyfriends. Because I thought they weren't the one for here, I basically wouldn't listen to anything she said about them. It got so bad that she didn't tell me when she started dating them. She just let me find out through the internet because she knew my reaction would be this face:
http://brgag.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/0-07253500-1328642316-disgusted-face-png.jpg
It also got to the point that she yelled, "Why do I even talk to you about this stuff?!?!" in a public place.
Thanks to this mentality, I didn't receive any notice of her dating someone. Thanks to this mentality, Facebook told me she was engaged to this someone. Thanks to this mentality, I won't be standing next to her at the alter. She chose someone who supports her and loves her no matter what. It wasn't just distance that tore us a part. It was me.
Friend A is a different story. Friend A was my second best friend. She was like my second string. When friend B wasn't there, friend A stepped in like a champion. We were able to share parts of ourselves with each other that no one else would understand. She was beautiful, funny, charming, and innocent. These things were what led to our demise. She didn't know she was all of these things so I tried to convince her. I did this mostly to her face. Because of my insecurities, I began to feel jealous. She was so unaware of how wonderful she was, it made me angry. Anger seems to be my mode of communication. Soon after, I began talking behind her back. It was childish and mean. The worst part was that when she came to me to talk, I acted like nothing bothered me. I was a very good friend. But then I would turn around and talk about how annoying she is. I have apologized to her since but I can never forget what I did to her. Because I was unhappy with who I was, I took it out on this poor girl. A, I am truly sorry.
My high school friends are gone now. Not because we grew apart. Not because we live too far from each other. We fell apart thanks to my anger. Part of this blog is to show the world and myself that I have made mistakes. I made mistakes even before I realized I could. The silver lining is that I learned from this. Though, my friendships with these girls is damaged, I can take these lessons and use them in future friendships and relationships in general. I've learned to not take people for granted. I learned. That's all I can really say. I learned
Thanks for listening. Come back for more.
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