27 Hours

Charles visited me this weekend. I'm sorry. Not the whole weekend. He stayed last night. He drove through the night to Chicago likes some 70s rock anthem and arrived at Plymouth Court around 7am. When I saw him across the street, my heart and body leaped in the air. Especially my body; hopefully he didn't see me. He ran across the street with his hands in his pockets, as we locked eyes. Smiles grew, and the people around us disappeared. I walked towards him with haste and intention. We said, "hello" like little kids with crushes and he picked up and spun me around. A cinematic dream. Kissing on the street, like the people I scoff at, all of the anxiety of this visit went away. He was with me. That's all that mattered.

For the record, we are not together and we won't be getting back together unless we live in similar zip codes. But him cumming---WHOOPS I meant, coming...or did I?
ANYWHO, him arriving in Chicago means we're still in each others lives. In a middle ground between friends and dating, we have declared ourselves lovers. Like a historical film, I write him letters, and (months later) he responds. We don't really know where this relationship will end up but I don't think either of us are really that concerned. 

That being said, we did all the things couples do; we drank coffee, ate meals, "napped". But I didn't feel the way I thought I would upon his arrival. I still love with this kid, don't get me wrong. But I feel like distance really does make the heart grow fonder. I had dreamed him up to be the love of my entire life. I'm realizing that may not be true. He is the love of my life so far. I'm not saying the visit was bad. I had a wonderful night. We saw a show at Second City, smoked in Grant Park, and slept together (in all meanings of the phrase). I had a blast! I'm just saying that the connection I had missed so much was not as strong in person. This is a freeing realization. He is the second love of my life and hopefully not the last. That's something I never would have said a month ago.

This is short post because I'm going to cry about him leaving. It's very sad. It's a strange feeling to not be lonely for 27 hours. It was wonderful and now that he's gone, loneliness is back and that's fine. This is one of the sacrifices I have to make for a life in comedy. I'm okay with it but that doesn't mean I don't take time to grieve. I will cry myself into an actual nap, wake up, go to rehearsal and go on with my life. I believe this thinking will keep me sane.

Really quickly, I would like to plug the song that describes this situation better than any words I could spit onto a page. If you're bored or going through long distance bullshit, take a listen to City Song by Emmy the Great. My favorite lyric is, "And what will you look like when you're old? What will I do if I don't know you? I guess that I decided not to ask the day I took the road down to the city as it called." Check it out. It's so accurate, it hurts.

I just want to challenge anyone whose reading this, who feels the same way, to really look at the relationship in question. Did you really feel whole with this person? Are they really your everything? Can you live without them? If not, aren't you alive right now? So keep doing you. Keep working, studying, dancing, laughing, crying, loving every minute of this beautiful life you've been given. Just keep going. It will feel better one day whether that person is by your side or not. I can't promise but I can say I believe it with all of my heart. Sometimes that's all you need.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.