Two Years with a Popped Cherry

Two years ago today, I lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew. He invited me to a cast party and I thought, it must mean he's in love with me. So I gave him my v card. A true love story.

Until he actually didn't even like me like me. I cried for a long time and regretted my decision of losing it while drunk with someone who didn't even know my middle name. It was a very painful experience because I had held onto my virginity like a prize. Then someone took it without even playing the game. I didn't feel like a woman. I felt like a little girl again. Out of control of my feelings. I felt like I didn't have control anymore. Keeping my virginity locked up gave me control over myself and relationships. The minute I started having sex, that control was gone.

Since that time, I have been sexually active. I'll tell you right now that it's like a floodgate. You can't undo it. I've had a couple of one night stands, a couple of fuck buddies, and a few relationships. In the past two years, I'm proud to say that I'm glad I lost my virginity the way I did. Thanks to that, I learned that sex doesn't equal love. I learned that I deserved better than that. I learned that sexuality is a personal choice and no one but me gets to decide what that means to me. Though I had my problems with my sexuality for a long time, I have come to love the "sexy" side of me. Until this summer, I felt ashamed of my sex life. I would cry a lot after sex. I felt like I had to do it to make men want to be with me.

Then my favorite ex-boyfriend helped me realize that I don't have to do anything I don't want to. It's up to me to decide if I think sex is shameful or healthy. He gave me time to figure that out and didn't pressure me. I made the decision myself. I made the decision that sex is just sex. It feels good but it's not as important as actually caring about someone. Like I said earlier, sex doesn't equal love. Love equals love. In my opinion, sex is just a product of it. For me personally, I'm more interested in having someone entertaining to talk to than having someone to have sex with. But I'll tell you one thing, sex is THE BEST when it's with someone you care about. Holy shit. It's good. So I'm waiting for someone who actually interests me. That doesn't mean that people who enjoy the act of sex shouldn't do it. I praise those people for doing exactly what they want. But I don't foresee any one night stands in my future.

Now I sit in at my desk hundreds of miles from the crime scene where my virginity was stolen but only a few miles from the thief. Though our relationship started out really weird, I can honestly say my virginity stealer is one of my best friends and has helped me through so many struggles in the last two years. From this "terrible" experience, I gained self-worth, confidence in my sexuality and best of all a friend. I honestly couldn't ask for more.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.