Acceptance

This past weekend, I met a little improv group called the Plastic Shatners. They hail from Bowling Green State University. I met these lovely humans because one of my oldest former frenemies (now friends), Natalie is their coach/director. I spent a wonderful day with them, watching them perform, eating pizza, riding trains, and seeing more improv. Exciting stuff. But this entry isn't about them.

A few moments ago, I got a text from Natalie thanking me for recording and telling me how much they enjoyed hanging out. "The entire team really loves you!" were her exact words. At that moment, I was filled with so much joy that a tiny squeak escaped my mouth. They liked me! An entire group of people liked me. YAY!

But then I suddenly realized how much joy I was getting from this sentiment. Then I started to think about how all I ever wanted was for them to like me. From the minute she introduced me, I wanted them to think I was cool and interesting. I wanted their acceptance. This troubled me a little bit. I started to think about all the groups of people or even just single persons that I want to accept me and how much "happier" I would be if they did. This seems so silly. I like me. I think I've got interesting things to say. I have a point of view that is completely unique to me. So why do I care if certain people also enjoy me? I mean everyone cares if people like them. But why do I care SO MUCH!?

Though I really enjoyed the Plastic Shatners, and think that everyone at BGSU should be going to see every show they put on, I still think I craved their acceptance like I do with many other people. I'm starting to believe that might be the root of a lot of my unhappiness and depressive days. The question, "Why aren't I cool enough for them?" sends me into a spiral of emotions and I'm sick of it.

I repeat I like me. HECK I LOVE ME! I think I'm funny and I love being around people who think the same. That's all I need to focus on. I don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself. I answer to two people, myself and God. That's it.

This is really just a random post with a revelation I had right before my afternoon nap. Please read it and give any feedback you wish.

Thanks for listening. Come back for more.